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R.I.P.- Obituary Of Indian Cricket

Photo Courtesy: http://orange.cricket365.com/Story/0,18086,6673_6291923,0

August, the month of India's freedom, has been very tumultuous. One of the most heartbreaking events this month took place at the venue in the picture. It is the Edgebaston Cricket Ground where an abject surrender was enacted out in front of nearly a billion pairs of disbelieving Indian eyes. India lost the match, and with it the undeserved No. 1 test team ranking at the hands of marauding Englishmen.

Signs were there in plenty, but we, the Indian Cricket Fans, did not see them. Historical and, more importantly, philosophical precedents were there, but we did not see them. Don't we have a saying in India that 'Termites grow wings before they die'? Haven't we all heard that 'a candle burns brightest just before it is about to go out'? This was the same vaunted Indian team that had upstaged the mighty Aussies to lift the Cricket World Cup. This was the same team that had won the Twenty- Twenty World Cup.


We are champions, World Freaking Champions, the team (and the fans) thought. Alas, we did had forgotten another philosophical saying from India, "Even a cur is a lion at home". We had also forgotten that when boys are done, men come out to play.

Test One saw Zak out with an injury and suddenly the Indian bowling cupboard looked very bare. To compound matters, the famed Indian batting line-up failed to stand up to the Rommel-esque Afrika Corp discipline of English bowling and failed to stand up to some threatening fast and aggressive bowling. Except R. Dravid and V.V.S., everyone perished in a tearing hurry. The Limeys lorded at Lords and Indians were left wondering at the lemon that had been handed to them! India lost by nearly 200 runs. O Kevin, why did you not get out on a duck in the first inning? Statistically, we would have won by ummm..five runs!!

Second Test was where all eyes were fixed at. Indian Lions will bounce back, we predicted. Pity the Loins of Indian Lions did not have the gumption to stand up to another un-host-like reception given by the England bowlers. We did manage to take a first innings lead but then it all came apart. In the second innings, Ian Bell-ed our cat, Matt nullified our 'Prior' advantage, Pietersen returned to torment us, and Ewww Morgan made us squeal more than a bit! Our batters were tired after being in the field, leather hunting, for so long and quickly followed each other back into the pavilion. Sachin- the God of a few hundred crore (rupees), made enough to once again to flatter to deceive, while Bhajji chipped in with the bat to cover some embarrassment of being so underutilized (and ineffective) in spite of being India 'Strike' bowler. Match two ended with Bresnan adding insult to injury by following up a fluid 90 with a five wicket haul! Oh and by the way, the defeat margin had grown to over 300.

Match 3! Everyone knows this is the time that India bounce back- traditionally. Like Rocky Balboa, we like to let the opponent feel good before we whup their ass, you know?! What started out as a comeback match of 'the Butcher of Najafgarh' turned out to be his Waterloo! He scored, probably, his first 'golden duck' and departed without troubling the scorers. Eight balls faced for zero balls. Poor Bresnan had to share the honors with Broad in this match. Dhoni scored decent half-tons in both the innings, but 'fighting from the burning decks' innings they were not. Remembering to be gracious hosts, England, very considerately, batted  only once and allowed Indians to bat twice! They know kids in India fight for batting and walk off in a huff when asked to bowl. The old famed guard of Rahul- Wall, V.V. Special, Sachin Ten-dulkar failed miserably and the assorted young puppies and whelps of Indian batting slinked off with their tails between their legs.

Another philosophical saying is that a maiden screams when relieved of her maidenhood, yells the second time, protests gently the third, and moans (with pleasure) the fourth time.  Is this going to be the final act of this abject and spine-less surrender?

Guys, you watch this carnage. I am off cricket. See No Cricket, Hear No Cricket, Read No Cricket, Talk No Cricket, and finally, Write No Cricket.

Amen. 

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