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Musings Of An Irreverent Punjabi!

Came back the other day from Goa on a flight that was offering serious competition to world's scariest roller coasters. Could not help but wonder what would have happened if a couple of(or more of) old Punjabi women had been aboard. By Punjabi 'old women' i beg to exclude all those drop dead gorgeous women who look their daughters' age, but beg to include our typical Punjabi buddis...
Imagine, a flight yo-yoing in the sky and the buddis yelling out their favorite God's name with fervor (and loudness) that is in direct proportion to the extent of the dip!! After all, heaven is much closer at an altitude of ten thousand feet!! God might just hear them!! 
 
If one of the bhadr- mahilas (civilized ladies- to all you linguistically challenged folks) grabbed a barf-bag (air sickness bag) and puked into it, our beloved buddis would go goggle eyed with shock and surprise...vekhin, jahaj valeyan da falafa kharab kar ditta(See! she has spoiled the bag of the airline wallahs)!! And, when the same civilized lady would ring the bell for the air-hostess to collect the barf-bag, our buddis would go into catatonic shock...vekhin...sambhal ke rakhan nu de rahi hai!! Hai ni Hai...loda aa gaya...ki jamana aa gaya....({loosely translated} What D F!! she is giving it for safe keeping!! WTF is happening to the world!!)

Just as the airplane stabilized a bit, our best beloved buddi would ring the bell to call the air-hostess (just to show, and to make sure, that she knows how to call the stewardess) and tell her...O connectra (as in bus conductor), jahaj rok, mere paise vapis kar....mainu laah de, main ni jana tere naal (stop the plane, return my money, let me get off d plane, i don't wanna travel with you morons)!! The hapless stewardess would try to explain that the plane could not be stopped just by blowing a whistle, our lovable buddi would say, 'chain khich dey' (pull the FREAKING chain)! The poor stewardess would get her Head Stewardess yo explain that the plane cannot be stopped in mid-air....our buddy's reaction???...'Brekan vi fail aa??!!' (the brakes are also kaput??!!)..hai..hai...meri nuh mar jaani, jaanke aidan de jahaj te bathaya hai...mat
 a mar jave (May my daughter-in-law rot in hell, she put me in such a plane on purpose cos she wants to kill me!)
The young Punjabis on board would be rolling on the floor, clutching their tummies, and have tears streaming down their eyes! The angry old woman (our best beloved buddi) would curse all of them...'O haram deo..tuhade keede pain' (O sons of a thousand fathers, may maggots feast on your flesh)..

Finally, to restore some order and to send the pilots back to the flight deck (they'd come over after hearing the ruckus), one smart Punjabi (there are quite a few of them you know) told the buddis...mata, chup kar jaa, nahin taan dhaka lana pena...jahaj holi chalda paya (old woman, keep quiet now or else you'll have to go out and push the plane...it is moving slow)...muttering under their collective bad breaths, our buddis slink into their seats...getting off the plane mid-air is one thing...having to push it???!!! Tera Damag Kharab Ho Gaya Hai (Your Brain Has Gotten Spoilt)!!

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