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The failsafe investment for the future.


Behaviour psychologists have often wondered why human beings like to buy and show off expensive stuff. One explanation could be that it’s an animalistic mating ritual to attract more mates. Another explanation could be that these poor souls were never breastfed by their moms! Ok, i just made that up! However, a new star is being born, it is yet in the gestation period but it is going to take its rightful place in the legion of products with snob value soon. Yes, after a millennium of being ignored, the onion will soon be hogging its share of limelight now. Once a part of the staple diet of ‘Mango people’, now it is going ballistic with a vengeance.
Soon, with an agriculture minister, who is not an astrologer, and probably has never set foot in a field, the onion will be more expensive than gold. Women going to jewelers will select carefully mummified onions as pendants for their necklaces. 

A bride-to-be will wistfully look at all those zero-watt bulb sized onions in the display and ask her dad if he could please buy a necklace made of them. Dad will shake his head in regret and tell the daughter that other wedding expenses also have to be met. With a wistful sigh, the bride-to-be will select a modest sized onion bulb for her wedding necklace pendant and tell the jeweler to gold plate it carefully so that it won’t spoil an entire lifetime.

In another scenario, socialite women will converge at parties and discreetly show off the size of their onion bulb pendants. The more show-off prone will have an entire necklace made up of dozens of platinum coated large onions. As this billionaire wife excuses herself to powder her nose, the others, smarting with envy, will call her an ostentatious witch behind her back, all the while wishing for a bigger necklace of onions. 

The big fat Indian wedding will also be impacted. All those filthy rich Indians, with more crass than class, will showcase their wealth by hosting onion themed weddings. All the guests walking in will be sprayed with the itr (perfume) of onion. After all, the best way to show the world that you are rolling in wealth (oops! Onions) is to leave a trail of onion fragrance wherever you go. Baratis- the wedding guests will make clear their preferences with instructions to the perfume sprayers like- ‘Oh, give me the green onion fragrance; I don’t like the stronger fragrances’!

While the rich folks would be showing off their onion properties, the middle class folks would be going through an entirely different experience. In the lower middle class homes, faux-onions would be used as jewellery and a little more well off would be investing in exchange traded onion funds (modelled upon the exchange traded gold funds), trying to save up enough to buy their beloved daughters a small onion on their wedding. 


 Corporate houses like Tanishq- the Tata brand- will industrialize the onion production with many small farmers selling directly to them and other big companies. The ubiquitous farmer hopefully will have the last laugh. He will be the only one in whose home, the onion will be used for what it was supposed to used for- for eating! Yummy! What a treat!

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